I like cute things. For example, I like roses and butterflies.
I like to think that everything is cute. Or could be made cute. Maybe that's why I try so hard to have a cute appearance, have cute clothing, have a cute life. It goes on and on.
You've probably never read a blog like this before.
But I just realized something: I'm having expectations. High ones, in fact. It's never a good expectation to want everything to be cute when I live in a torn-apart, messed up world.
I have a boyfriend. He is great and sometimes I think that our relationship could be a lot better if we went on more cute dates, if we had more cute conversations, if we just went on more cute vacations or roadtrips, if he only made a cute dinner for me. If only he gave me roses twice every three weeks. If only we gave each other the butterfly feeling in our stomachs every moment we're with each other.
Then reality smacks me in the face about eight times and I wake up. Yet, sometimes I'm still left drowsy.
Then it smacks me about nine more times. I wake up for real this time.
I'm expecting our relationship to be too cute, too good. If I never lower those expectations, we'd probably break it off somewhere down the road and I'd end up alone in my own little, cute, fantasy world. Because he can't live up to the cute-ness factor I want. And I can't live up to it either, letting myself down from time to time as well.
I think that I've come to the realization that I can't really expect anything from life.
But there's always those people with those perfect, cute, lovely lives who make it seem as if it is easy to have one. Those people who have adorable everything. Honestly, they probably don't try to make their lives cute or sweet at all. The probably just live and be themselves and it just seems like their life is cute to others. And if they do try and if they do have very high expectations...well, go them. I wonder what their secret is.
I need to just not expect everything to be cute. I have to live in this real world. I should just live. I should just live because then, when I finally am without expectations, life will be cute. Yes, indeed it will. I just won't notice it.
It is 12:30 A.M.
Goodnight.
